The jewel is in the lotus

High-points from this weekend:

She was a tall woman, perhaps an inch or two shy of six feet, and junoesque. She was bent over at the waist, and she balanced herself by pressing her hands against the wall of mirrors. Her lushness of body and sweetness of spirit were so very inviting, I could not resist. I crawled under her and sat cross-legged with my back against the mirrors. I cradled her breasts in my hands and lifted my face to kiss her, and the man standing behind her raised his arm. The flogging recommenced with a loud thwap. Her breath left her in a rush and she kissed me softly. Another stroke, and another, and in moments we were sucking at each others lips. My fingers pinched her nipples, tweaked them, squeezed and bounced her breasts. She sighed and moaned. It was divine. I wished it would go on forever, but alas, like all good things, must do, it came to an end.

The violet wand sparked over my nipple, making me gasp and twitch. Again he touched the orb to my breast, and an ecstasy of electricity ran through my body. Hands ran over me, two or three others touching me, teasing me. Next, the tinsel flogger and me turned into a conduit, and the hands and flogger sparked whenever they touched my skin, making me grasp and moan and trill and writhe. It was a banquet for my skin.

Parlour games with a twist, the winner on his back in the center of the room, eyes closed and wearing only his briefs, and beaming. Four women touching him, hands running over his body, kissing and pinching and teasing. He was in heaven.

Midsummer Night's Sensual Romp, pt 2

It was a perfect evening. The sky was a cloudless blue and the temperature was under 75F. Outside on the bamboo-shaded deck, four tables were laden with food -- fruits, vegetables, cheeses, cold-cuts, desserts, fondue -- it was truly a feast. The main room was draped in fabrics from ceiling to floor. Mats and pillows were tossed about -- it looked like a modern harem awaiting use by its female occupants. The intimacy exercises were fun and effective. I particularly enjoyed the one where we fed each other bites of food and did some eye-gazing, connecting in heart and spirit without words. The opening ceremony involved a Puck and a Titania and excepts from A Midsummer Night's Dream, read aloud. The energy in the room was wonderful -- everyone was smiling and relaxed by the exercises and games we played. And then we got down to snuggling or dancing or eating or playing increasingly more risque games as the night wore on and the full moon rose overhead. The snuggling and other physical contact was good, the people were being authentic, and I had a great time.

In the interests of protecting the privacy of the participants, I will not say more.

A Midsummer Night's Sensual Romp, pt 1

I'm no Titania by any means, but tonight I am getting my faerie costume together for the Midsummer Night Sensual Romp. I'm using a filmy thin fabric, the sort that scarves are made of. Two layers of it, pale jade green, with oriental poppies in soft yellows and pinks. I have bindi in amber and green: I'll put them on my face, neckline, cleavage, and perhaps even my bellybutton. I picked up a wire garland with stars woven into it for a crown, and I've got white flowers to add to it, and I even have a wand. In the morning I'll shave and annoint myself with oils so that I am soft and smooth and sweet-smelling. I'll probably drop my sybian off at B's for him and his wife to use in their own private sensual romp, and then I'll be off to the Romp, where I will dive into the sensuality of the LoveTribe. There is nothing quite like the energy that a gathering of this group of people has. There are all sorts of superlatives to use, but it has to be experienced to be appreciated. This will be the first big LT event I've been to since before Tammy died in January. I'm hoping to see all the dear ones I've missed while I've been away from home these past months -- and hopefully get some serious snuggle on.

Final days in San Francisco

My time in San Francisco draws to a close, and I will shortly resume Life, Interupted. There are things I am going to miss: my family, my friends, the golden sunlight, the quiet days. However, there are things I am not going to miss: doctors and nurses, medicine, hot, dry, dusty air, and the restlessness that comes from being inactive.

Most especially I will miss MR, who has been a far better host and companion to me than I have been a guest. He has tolerated all of the medical paraphernalia scattered everywhere, and my need to hook up my IV every 8 hours. When I want sushi, he takes me for sushi. When I want steak, he takes me to a steakhouse. When I want to get out of the house, takes me to the movies or to mini-golf or he just gives me the keys to his Z3. In all fairness, though, I give as good as I get. His house is clean, his is laundry done, his back is massaged regularly, and I do fill the gas tank.

I've just realized that in the past six months I have worked just 6 weeks, and that I have spent more time at his place than at my own. Tammy's death, Caro's cancer, Terri's heart attack, Chrissy's kidney stones, and then my own hospital adventure. Its been costly in so many ways and I am so looking forward to going home and getting a handle on my personal finances. There is nothing like paying for a funeral and helping sick relatives make ends meet to lay waste to savings. Thankfully, I have medical insurance.

One of the highlights of my being stuck here in San Francisco was seeing my very dear friends K and C and meeting for the first time the little girl they adopted a few years ago. For all the challenges she faces, she is a terribly bright child, and I have confidence in their abilities to provide her a loving home in which to thrive. I would have liked to see more of them, but he was here to speak at the Apple conference and I didn't have the stamina to keep up with a 7 year-old for very long.

I wish I could say I'd done some writing and recording, but I haven't. Along with the meltdown in my health, I have experienced technological challenges with my cell phone and my laptop. Ah well.

From all accounts, my friends in Portland are eagerly awaiting my return. I've multiple invitations to dinner, to snuggle, to movies, etc. I expecially look forward to resuming my activities in the LoveTribe and ecstatic dance communities.

Watch out Portland! Here I come!

More on Love Tribe and Yums

I've gotten some queries on Love Tribe and the Yum I went to. What are they? I was asked. There is a Love Tribe link under the "Spiritual and Sensual" section of my page. The following is an excerpt from an email sent to a friend in August who asked the same thing:

First thing, at formal gatherings, the intention of the Love Tribe and the specific guidelines of the gathering one is attending are mentioned. There are intimacy exercises at the begining of most of the gatherings, except those that are specifically for 'experienced' Tribers, which assumes the attendees are already boundary-aware. The exercises focus on getting in touch with your own boundaries, leaving the street-energy behind, practicing saying yes or no to verbal and non-verbal requests to hug/touch, etc. Its a great way to get that higher, more spiritual energy flowing. Everyone is there for the same reasons -- to enjoy intimacy in a safe environment -- and everyone is open and vulnerable and genuine.

The first gathering I went to was a Yum (They occur the last friday of every month). It was an informal gathering at the massage studio of one of the members. There was a massage table, a couple of foutons, a dance space, food and drink, and over the course of the night, I figure that about 50 people came and went. The rules of a Yum are that it is a safe space where talking, dancing, cuddling and touching occur but there are no sexual overtones whatsoever... It is an opportunity to connect with people and enjoy intimacy in a relaxed, no-pressure space where boundaries are respected. I enjoyed the ecstatic and improvisational contact dancing--it is quite beautiful to experience and watch.

There was a pillow fight between people seated on those balls that are used for stretching the back... people snuggling 3 and 4 deep on foutons... Lots of earnest conversation, laughter, smiles, languid caressing, and hugs--real hugs--the kind where people hold each other and relax and stay there a bit, sharing of themselves. It was a very genuine gathering, one in which I was able to let down my guard, as I so often do not in public spaces, because I've such an awareness of how much danger women are in, especially in situations where alcohol is used (LoveTribe events are safe/sane/sober). Also, there are no gender or orientation social barriers. Hetero men rubbing each other's feet. Gay women snuggling with hetero men. Gay men doing improv contact dance with hetero women. People being people, enjoying other people, without all the socialized and sexualized barriers. It really is Yummy :)

The Snuggle Salon on the Sunday I got back into town was wonderful. It was in an attic with sky lights, nice mood music, and about 25 people came and went. Most people wore pajama-type clothes. Several of the people there had been in the 34-mile 7 Bridges Bicycle event, so we rubbed them down. No kissing or sexal touch... it is like an informal version of the Yum. You have to have been to a formal gathering in order to attend. I felt so much lighter after attending. It was a great antidote to the anguish in MA.

The Rapture Dance was a lot like the Yum, only there were probably 150 people there and it had more of a party atmosphere. They opened the doors at 8pm, closed them at 9:30. It was held at a dance studio with 4 or 5 thousand square feet of space. It was divided up into areas. A social space with food and drink, a huge dance floor, a snuggle zone (500 sq ft of foutons, easy), a safe space (to be alone), and a play space. The snuggle space is for snuggling, tops and bottoms on, no overtly sexual touching. The play space is an intimate place for people to play sensually. Gloves, condoms and lubricants provided, if things go that far. And monitors there to assist, as well as to ensure people practice safe sex, including fluid-bonded partners.

There are many other types of gatherings, and an overlap between Love Tribe and other local organizations fostering community and/or alternative-lifestyle networking, like the Explorer's Club (Tantra) , Portland Ecstatic Dance, The City Repair Project, Darklady's pan-sexual and sex-positive events, PDX Bad Girls (BDSM for women), Cupcake PDX (fat-friendly), MeetIn Portland, Network for a New Culture, etc.

Portland is what I call 'cosmopolitan granola'. It is a metropolitan area, with all those amenities and sophistication, but there is a high concentration of educated, geeky, kinky, and green people. Or perhaps there is not a higher concentration, but rather that more people are 'out' about it. The Pacific Northwest is very friendly toward people who are in transition, transformation, or interested in living lifestyles that are different from popular/dominant culture. I enjoy it immensely because there is so much acceptance and self-expression and room for people to be whoever they want to be.

I hope, with time, organizations like the ones I've mentioned above will be more common. Unfortunately, it requires people with vision and motivation to create and sustain them, and it is a lot of effort. If you are interested in starting organizations similar to the ones I've mentioned, I strongly recommend contacting the people on those sites. All of them are good people who are eager to help others build community.

Yum

I made it through the entire week at work. I was exhausted by Wednesday but I pushed through it. I had too much work to do. So much in fact, that I am going into the office this morning. The bronchitis is getting better but I am still using an inhaler. I used to think that, as a result of meditation, I was very aware of my breath. But I can say that there is nothing quite like feeling like I'm not getting enough air to make me acutely aware of breathing, and just how integral it is to my well-being. Without enough oxygen I tire easily. I've lower energy. I sleep a lot more. I think I've the barest inkling of what my mother went through with emphysema. I am so glad that I do not smoke.

In resuming my social life, I attended my first LoveTribe gathering since October, a Yum. When I got home from work I took a shower and put on some jammies and headed over to the studio. The opening exercises were just finishing and I had the opportunity to squeeze into the circle and introduce myself before formalities were dismissed. There were a lot of new faces and some missing ones. The regular Tribers greeted me and and asked where I had been. I briefly outlined my profession and why I drop off the social radar for 2 or 3 months this time of year.

There is nothing like walking into a room with 20 to 50 people in it, all wearing comfy, snuggly clothing, all interested it genuine interaction and non-sexual intimacy. I gave a few massages, got a few. Joined a puppy pile with 5 other people and got some good snuggling and conversation in. Most of us tend to wear fabrics that are sensually pleasing to touch: flannel, silk, velour, etc--fabrics that make people go 'mmmm' when they touch it and reach out again. One of the women there always wears socks made out of an incredibly silky-soft material... something like a synthetic version of cashmere, I guess. Only this time she didn't wear them. I rubbed her feet anyway, though ;)

It was good to see so many men there. Men get the short end of the intimacy stick in our culture. They can't hug and kiss on each other like women can, or people think they are gay. They can't touch women even casually without people thinking they are making a sexual overture. In many cases, they are worried about being affectionate with children, lest someone think they are pedophiles. In fact, most men feel that the only way they can experience intimacy is with a partner. And with a partner it usually leads to sex. Which is all fine and good, but sometimes... sometimes even men just want to experience closeness and playfulness without the sexual element/expectation hanging over their heads. So it is good to see men at LoveTribe gatherings, availing themselves of the opportunity to enjoy intimacy and sensual touch in an environment in which everyone is there to experience the same thing, and in which everyone understands the rules and follows them.

I left about midnight, feeling wonderful. Satisfied. Content. YUM.

Fantabulous Weekend

I think this has been one of the best weekends of my life.

1-My sister is doing better. One might even go so far as to say that she is recovering, keeping in mind that a few good weeks does not a recovery make, not with an illness that cost her 10 months of her life and half her body mass.

2-CD has not only finished his manuscript, but will be handing it over to his editor in a week. Even better tho, are the poems and prose he is now free to write, brightening my days, like this:

Opposable Thumbs

Because of our opposable thumbs, we human beings have unique capabilities. Our muscled, contrary digits allow us to pull, twist, manipulate, and grip; to use tools, to control, even "civilize" our environment. There is, however, one essential human quality that does NOT respond well to this wondrous digital opposability...

Love.

Love is given; it is to be received with open hands, as if it was a gift of pure, clear, life-giving water, flowing into and over our cupped palms.

Love is not to be pulled, twisted, manipulated, leveraged, or squeezed. Love is not to be hijacked, hitchhiked, clamped, or hammered.

No.

Use your opposable thumbs on love, and its life-giving magic will disappear, as surely as water flows through a grasping hand.

3-I went to two birthday parties on Saturday. Yes, two!

J's was at a meditation center. I wish I could have spent more time there, because there were some amazing people there, and J needed some serious bodywork. Still, I got his low back relaxed enough that he stopped wincing every time he moved, and he gave me a peek at the library. Mmm... books. A good thing he doesn't know what a turn-on books in general and libraries in particular are for me :)

I had to leave J's party because B's was starting, and well, no offence to J, but who would want to miss a party involving a chocolate fountain, a basement lair draped in billowing fabrics, a wine cellar, a chocolate fountain, one man, 10 women, (did I mention a chocolate fountain) and a camera?

4-Sunday Sacred Dance Circle. Wow. The energy was amazing. I had gooseflesh the entire time I was there. Between that and the endorphine high from multiple orgasms, I was guaranteed a great day.

6-Snuggle Salon. I invited a different J to come along and he accepted. It was the smallest snuggle I've been to, maybe 10 people. Still, both the birthday boys were there, and there were only two other women besides myself, so I had a great time snuggling and being massaged. And I loved the five-person snuggle at the end of the night, sandwiched between the J I'd invited and J the birthday boy. YUM!

7-I got to talk to my other sister about all sorts of deep and personal things, and gave her the good news that I will be taking vacation in November afterall, so we're both really stoked. Its been a few years since my sisters and I were together last.

8-Oh! and I have pretty toes, courtesy of my lovely girl C, who loves me so much that she gave me a pedicure this weekend. French, with pretty nail art.

Its nearly 1am and I'm still high on life. I love my life. Life is good.

"A good day," a friend said to me. "Why are they so rare?"
"I don't know," I answered, "Somedays we dont know a good day when we are in one."

Sunday was a good day. So was Saturday. Here's to Monday.

The Warm Fuzzy Story

Recently, a certain story has been percolating up in my mind, a story from when I was a child. I could not remember the details of it, only that it was a story about Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies. I found the story online, and am including a link to it. As soon as I read it, I realized why it was coming back to mind (participation in the Love Tribe organization). And reading it again, I recognized what a role the story had played in the formation of my own (polyamorous/free love) relationship to love and loving.

Enjoy.

Irrepressible me

Life is better than I have any right to expect. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that I am irrepressible. I am incapable of being depressed, repressed, or suppressed for more than an hour or two at a time.

Plus, I have a lot to be grateful for. Especially my friends. And my roomie.

My roommate is a TPE domestic (while living with me, anyway) submissive named C. She is between Masters--in fact, I have right of refusal on her next one, as her heart (and cunt) have no brain cells and she tends to fall for real jerks (IMHO, most "Doms" are men who have issues with women or their own masculinity). Anyway, I called her from Las Vegas and asked her to chill a bottle of viognier for me. She spent all of Saturday cleaning house, so when I got home, everything was spotless, the wine was cold, and the hug was warm.

She did everything but the windows, which I did Sunday morning while she was still asleep, so she would not feel badly for missing them. Sunday morning I was awake at 6am, five hours sleep on a tempurpedic being sufficient rest for me. I made a breakfast of granola and yogurt and blueberries, did some gardening, washed windows, and sat back to read a bit of Oscar Wilde. He always makes me smile. My current favorite of his epigrams is: "I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."

The silence and solitude of Sunday morning were truly golden. I do so love being alone. I basked in it, and slowly relaxed. I met M. for late lunch at Saburos (wonderful sushi--their unagi nigeri is so good, my mouth is watering remembering it). Spoke to B. about the Love Tribe Snuggle Salon starting at 6pm. He insisted it would be good for me, that I really needed it. He was right. Four hours of snuggling and massaging and I felt amazing afterwards. I'm a little sore today, but it was worth it.

When I got home from the Snuggle, C. was feeling social. I thanked her for all the things she'd done, and we sat on my bed and talked, and she showed me some of the fruits of her efforts with a graphic design project she is working on. It was good to be near her, and her undemanding socialness.

I take care of her, she takes care of me. I'm so lucky -- I always said I wanted a wife. Now I get all the benefits of one, w/o the sex. Which is fine :) I'm off women for a while, anway.