Thursday, July 28, 2005

Meditation on self-confidence

this is an audio post - click to play

There are days when I feel myself insignificant, in the shadow of others and events beyond my control, and on those days, hardship is daunting. I feel tempted to view my goals as being distant and unattainable, and go looking for consolation. But consolation is a trap. It enables me to feel good about myself without having to do much of anything. It leads to complacency and the comfort of routine, hoping that routine will enable me to ignore or escape anguish rather than understand and accept it. But can I afford the luxury of consolation and complacency in a world in which the only certainty is death, its time of arrival completely uncertain, and the consolation of an afterlife an unprovable hypothesis?

And then there are days when I feel superior to others, and on those days I am very disdainful of hardship, and yet perversely, tormented by humiliation when it defeats me. This leads to conceit. This makes me shun the friendship of those whose wisdom might help me spring the cyclical trap of loneliness and humiliation and anguish which my awareness of self engenders. This, again perversely, consoles the ego, which must be fed, and will get its attention however it can, whether positive or negative. It tells me I don't need others, that I have nothing to learn from them, that I am superior, and it draws energy from my resolve and my purpose, defeating me again and again.

There is a middle way, a balanced path that I try to tread despite the pendulum swings of daily life. The path in which I acknowledge that self-confidence is not a form of arrogance, but instead, a forn of trust in my abilities and my capacity to realize my goals, my purpose. It encompasses both the courage to face whatever life throws at me without losing equanimity, and the humility to treat every situation I encounter as one from which I can learn.

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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Sensual sake cups


These cups were given to me by a friend, who saw them in Japan and thought of me. I decided to make a photo-card for him.

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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Exertion: Audio poem

this is an audio post - click to play

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Sensuous Awarenes: a reality check

this is an audio post - click to play


The sensuous experience of the body is one of complex, interconnected processes that never remain the same from moment to moment. Nor are these developments just physical. Emotions and thoughts find expression through the body, creating sensations that often become lasting physical states. Tension, relaxation, bouyancy, indigestion, stiffness--these are the legacy of my mental and emotional activities. Being conscious of what is happening in my body and my mind creates state of awareness that allows me question the contradictions between the sort of person I wish to be, and the reality of who I am.

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Meditation on purpose


this is an audio post - click to play


This morning I woke up at 6:00. I lay in bed and meditated on these questions: What is my purpose right now in my life, and do I have the resolve to fulfill that purpose? In a constantly changing, ever ambiguous world, is anything worthy of the total commitment needed to attain it? <...>

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Fourth of July


4th July Fireworks at the River. Posted by Picasa

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