Surprise! Its December.

(Tammy and her niece, Nov 2003)

December has come, to my surprise. It has crept up on me. For the past 10 years December has always been a hectic month, a headlong dash into what we in the fiscal/accounting field simply call "Year End". But not this one. Last month I quit my job and my life to move nearer to family and love. I am no longer tied to the grueling schedule, but neither am I tied to the certainty of a salary. It is an interesting adjustment to make.

The past couple of weeks have been a pleasant interlude, and opportunity to rest after the hectic pace of November. I've been waking up when I want to, which is usually between 8 and 9 am. I see my housemate off for work between 10 and 11. I go work out. I come back and work on my writing and recording and websites. For the first time since Tammy's illness became life-threatening, I've had both the time and the creative energy to think about how to put my work out there to touch more lives and perhaps earn a bit from it. I unpack a bit. I read some. I ride my sybian and leave naughty voicemail messages. And when my lover is free, I ride him. It is lovely, having sex almost daily. And it is interesting how our relationship has changed.

Next week I will be at my Grandfather's. It gives everyone in Tulsa a bit of a break, and my grandfather is asking to see me. Then the following two weeks I'll be with family back in California. It will be the first time I've spent Christmas with my family in over 10 years. And it will be the first Christmas without Tammy. I'm grateful that my other two sisters who had grim cancer diagnoses are still with us, and grateful, too, that Grandfather will live to see the New Year. But I am sad, nonetheless. Tammy loved Christmas.