Sunday, March 25, 2007

Luck, or Reaping what is sown?

I have been assured that I am far too generous. That I am too kind, too naive, too gullible. That one day I will get myself hurt (I have been, but that won't stop me).

This may be the case. Certainly it appears to be accurate from certain points of view.

And yet, this is how I am. I have a generous spirit. I give when I can, where I can, when I perceive need. In one month I paid a scholarship to a workshop for someone who could not afford it, I paid for coffee for a woman who left her wallet at home, I asked a single-mom with a newborn what she needed most and got it for her, gave a friend with back-trouble a massage, paid for my niece's daycare so my sister could finish her nursing program, and gave freely of my time to an acquaintance who was having marital problems and needed an ear.

"That was very generous of you," commented a good friend of mine.

"Its only time and money. Its what I do with them that are important," I answered.

Besides. I do have a motive. Or maybe three. Giving, of myself or my resources, makes me aware of the abundance in my life. I am aware of my good fortune and try not to take it for granted. It makes me feel good, knowing I have been able to do something for another person. And lastly, and perhaps more importantly, I do so selfishly. I have this superstition that what I send out into the world comes back to me, perpetually. Ill thoughts, ill words, ill deeds, I feel, revisit themselves upon those who perpetuate them. I sow kindness and good intentions and in return, I know, I just know, that when I have a need I cannot meet myself, that somehow, someway, I will get what I need. Some call it luck, some call it karma. I say--good or bad--what comes your way often depends on what you send out into the world.

I cashed in on a few good-deeds this past weekend. I drove up The Mountain and when I left, I left my car and took the car that The Englishman had... it was being cranky. It was late, and it was some time before I realized that the car I'd traded mine for had a gas gauge on empty, and the nearest place for gas was 14 miles away on a winding, graded road. I had a twinge of anxiety but told myself I would make it. And I did. Only, when I arrived, the station was closed, and had been for 30 minutes. I noticed a clerk was still inside. I knocked on the door and he came to it, saying, We're closed. And I said, I noticed, and could he please tell me where the next station was, as I was on empty. And he told me 7 miles. And I asked him if he thought it would be open. He looked at his watch, looked at me, at my car. He said, No, not that late, and he must have seen the flash of panic on my face, because he offered to turn on the pumps and fill my tank. I thanked him profusely. When he finished filling the tank, I tried to give him some cash for him, for his time, for staying late, but he would not take it.

He was a good man, who did a kind and generous thing for a stranger late at night. I could have been a thief, but he took a chance, and helped me. I hope, one day, when he is in need, someone will help him, too. I know the next time I come across someone who needs my help, I will do so, and remember him.

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Anonymous Dan said...

I like this post. And while I am probably not as noble as you, I try to live in similar fashion.

Sometimes, not very often, you can get people to change ever so slightly that they to understand what it truly means to give without expectation.

Anyway, lovely actions and sentiments. May life bring you all that you desire.


7:36 PM, March 30, 2007  
Anonymous stage hand said...

I've had the pleasure of recently listening to some of your recorded stories and tonight discovered your blog and enjoying some of your written word. You are a very special individual, you are real and down to earth, and yes your recorded stories are sensual and erotic, I like that too.

I've always lived my life by my own personal set of principles which are you could say karma based. But really I've found being a good citizen of the world community, simply makes me feel good inside. I often think how small actions some times set in motion extremely different paths, life is interesting that way.

Thank you for sharing something of yourself in the way you do.

stage hand

11:33 PM, April 02, 2007  
Anonymous Teresa said...

I have enjoyed your posts. I, too, try to give of myself. I have to constantly remind myself, when people are being assholes, that what goes around comes around. I feel as though it isn't instinctual, I wasn't taught how to give I was taught how to receive.

Strangely now in my life I have a much harder time receiving, I would much rather give. There are some people in my life that are re-teaching me the lesson of receiving and to them I am very thankful.

11:25 AM, May 26, 2007  

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