Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dream Lover again

this is an audio post - click to play

I am being haunted by the memory of a lover I have never met.

It is a tease: my flesh leaping to ghost touches, an almost-heard voice thrilling my mind, and feeling that parturient flutter in my solar plexus that says "He is real, he is thinking of you, he is coming to you, this ineffable, numinous One for whom you have waited." I take a shallow breath past the sun that has filled my chest, and the taste and smell of him are there, just a hint, like last night's scents radiating from my heated skin.

In my dreams last night he visited me but we did not make love, no, we talked, we read, we cuddled. There he sat, on a loveseat in a room in my mind, in the house that has always been mine in my dreams, which is so rarely occupied by anyone other than myself. Sometimes he read to me, or sang silly songs, sometimes I rubbed his neck and shoulders and listened to him purr. And we spoke of many things, of things dark, and light, and deep, and mundane. I don't remember most of what we talked about, but I remember him saying "Don't be afraid" and "Live in the now".

When I woke up I felt a bit tired, but more peaceful. He's out there. I may never meet him, yet, I do not despair that I will never have him in my life--just knowing he is there, somewhere, somewhen, is a comfort to me. I only hope I shall one day meet him, and in meeting him, know him for the soul that is intertwined with mine, lover or not.

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