Sunday, April 23, 2006

I am fortunate

In the midst of one of the most agonizing conversations of my life, I had a moment of clarity, a moment of enlightenment. This moment may or may not have lasting effects, but it has filled me with a sense of wonder that has persisted for 24 hours. I should be devestated. I should be overwhelmed with feelings of loss and fear of the responsibility I have accepted. And while I do feel those things, the sense of wonder is far more encompassing.

Today, I went again to the Chinese Garden. I had tea outside, in the sun. I watched leaf-shadows dancing in the breeze, and raised my face to the sun, feeling its kiss upon my eyelids. The light was amazing, the colours of my world were perfectly balanced. In the midst of people, I strolled the garden, contemplative, meditative, at peace.

I came upon a side path strewn with petals and leaves, the vegetation lining it contrasting so invitingly against the stark white walls. I did not know where that path leads. I still do not know what is beyond that corner. But I have stepped fearlessly onto the flagstone, with wonder in my heart.

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