Chat on women, the moment, and mystery
Me: Any woman who tells you that all she wants is to be understood is lying. To you, herself, or both. Women do NOT want to be understood.
Him: Oh really? It seems all I hear is the complaint 'you just don't understand me.'
Me: What women want is to remain a mystery, to be desired. What women want 'understood' is... hmm... that who they are is subject to change at whim. Thus, it is important, not to understand women, but for those who love women to be understanding.
Him: Ahh, so they know they are being crazy but want to get away with it.
Me: Actually, it is not crazy.
Him: Whimsical then.
Me: Spontaneous.
Him: First word that comes to mind… Combustion
Me: *grin* But it is completely in conflict with structured society. Lets face it, reality is free, it is fluid, tenuous, dynamic, constantly changing. Humans constrain reality, we try to control it, force patterns and habits on it. This creates tension. We see patterns even where there are none. We create systems because we need them.
Saiai: But you realize… that when men do the same thing, they are called 'immature'
Me: And when women do it, they are called 'irrational'
Me: It would be nice if we could meet the moment, react to the moment, free of conditioning and supposition. To know the wonder and mystery of each moment of our experience as it unfolds. To... hmm... to find in ourselves the imagination and the creativity to meet each moment as if it is unique and original, rather than forcing our preconceptions upon the time.
Him: Well, systemizing is the natural reaction when one attempts to control ones understanding.
Me: But must we understand something this moment? Can't we let understanding come at its own pace? Must we judge everything? What happened to just perceiving, to just experiencing? To feeling the questions arise and know that the answers will come in their own time... or not?
Me: And as for women, I still think that they want to be compelling mysteries which their partners will strive to understand, but endlessly fail at because women change. All the time.
Him: So what you are saying is, I'm doomed.
Me: Only if you think Women and Life should be as ordered and predictable as lines of code.
Him: Well, it would be nice...
Me: Relax. Stop reacting to what you predict she is going to say or do. Pay attention to the moment, to what is happening right now, and you will have better results. Because, having paid attention to what is going on, you will be able to react to what is really happening. And, having 100% of your attention, she'll be less likely to pull that pouty feminine attention-seeking behaviour.
Him: Is that how you do it? Is that why it feels so great just to hang around with you, because you are paying attention?
Me: Ayup.
Him: Isn't that a bit patronizing... a bit like treating me like a child?
Me: No and no. Its more like honouring your inner-child, that part of you that wants to be the center of the universe. And if I'm not willing to let you and me be the center of the universe while we're together, why bother?
Him: The center of the universe, hmm... I suppose it is difficult to be the center of the universe and sit in a restaurant at the edge of the galaxy :)
Me: Only if you insist on a universe that makes sense to you. Me, I think the universe is a lot like a women. A mystery that men wish to penetrate and to understand, using models which you then attempt to force them to fit into.
Him: Models aren't anything to sneer at, Kay.
Me: I know. But models are meant to represent something, not the other way around.
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, but you cannot build an accurate mathematical model of women or the universe. You have to toss out too many variables in order to build a reliable model, and then you are back where you started... trying to force life to imitate the idea you have in your mind of what it should be, instead of what it actually is.
Him: Oh really? It seems all I hear is the complaint 'you just don't understand me.'
Me: What women want is to remain a mystery, to be desired. What women want 'understood' is... hmm... that who they are is subject to change at whim. Thus, it is important, not to understand women, but for those who love women to be understanding.
Him: Ahh, so they know they are being crazy but want to get away with it.
Me: Actually, it is not crazy.
Him: Whimsical then.
Me: Spontaneous.
Him: First word that comes to mind… Combustion
Me: *grin* But it is completely in conflict with structured society. Lets face it, reality is free, it is fluid, tenuous, dynamic, constantly changing. Humans constrain reality, we try to control it, force patterns and habits on it. This creates tension. We see patterns even where there are none. We create systems because we need them.
Saiai: But you realize… that when men do the same thing, they are called 'immature'
Me: And when women do it, they are called 'irrational'
Me: It would be nice if we could meet the moment, react to the moment, free of conditioning and supposition. To know the wonder and mystery of each moment of our experience as it unfolds. To... hmm... to find in ourselves the imagination and the creativity to meet each moment as if it is unique and original, rather than forcing our preconceptions upon the time.
Him: Well, systemizing is the natural reaction when one attempts to control ones understanding.
Me: But must we understand something this moment? Can't we let understanding come at its own pace? Must we judge everything? What happened to just perceiving, to just experiencing? To feeling the questions arise and know that the answers will come in their own time... or not?
Me: And as for women, I still think that they want to be compelling mysteries which their partners will strive to understand, but endlessly fail at because women change. All the time.
Him: So what you are saying is, I'm doomed.
Me: Only if you think Women and Life should be as ordered and predictable as lines of code.
Him: Well, it would be nice...
Me: Relax. Stop reacting to what you predict she is going to say or do. Pay attention to the moment, to what is happening right now, and you will have better results. Because, having paid attention to what is going on, you will be able to react to what is really happening. And, having 100% of your attention, she'll be less likely to pull that pouty feminine attention-seeking behaviour.
Him: Is that how you do it? Is that why it feels so great just to hang around with you, because you are paying attention?
Me: Ayup.
Him: Isn't that a bit patronizing... a bit like treating me like a child?
Me: No and no. Its more like honouring your inner-child, that part of you that wants to be the center of the universe. And if I'm not willing to let you and me be the center of the universe while we're together, why bother?
Him: The center of the universe, hmm... I suppose it is difficult to be the center of the universe and sit in a restaurant at the edge of the galaxy :)
Me: Only if you insist on a universe that makes sense to you. Me, I think the universe is a lot like a women. A mystery that men wish to penetrate and to understand, using models which you then attempt to force them to fit into.
Him: Models aren't anything to sneer at, Kay.
Me: I know. But models are meant to represent something, not the other way around.
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, but you cannot build an accurate mathematical model of women or the universe. You have to toss out too many variables in order to build a reliable model, and then you are back where you started... trying to force life to imitate the idea you have in your mind of what it should be, instead of what it actually is.
Labels: conversation, men, women
posted by Kayar Silkenvoice at 11:34 AM
1 Comments:
Interesting conversation. And like most of the really good ones, there are elements I agreed with, others that I disagree with, and a few that made me reflect.
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